Leaving and Staying

You cannot assume that someone will be safe once they have decided to leave or have left an abusive partner. In fact, the opposite is true.

People are most at risk of violence when leaving, or having recently left, a relationship. Maintaining power and control over the partner is the essence of domestic violence. Leaving threatens the abusive partner’s control, and therefore often evokes greater violence.

In addition to the risks involved in leaving, many factors contribute to abused partners staying in a relationship.

• Some of these are "external", such as: lack of housing or money; religious, family, and/or community dictates; lack of support from police, courts, clergy, friends or family.
  
• Some are more "internal", such as: desire to maintain the household; a wish to preserve the children’s relationship with the other parent; feeling responsible for the relationship and/or the partner’s welfare; love of the partner.

Sometimes the costs of leaving outweigh the benefits of escaping the abuse.