Defining an Abusive Relationship (2)

Possibly, you found yourself saying, "it depends." We suggest it depends on the intention of the perpetrator, the effect on the victim, and the patterned or repetitive nature of the behavior. An abuser intends to control by frightening or harming the victim. A victim is frightened or harmed. The incident is not unique in the relationship, but part of a pattern in which the abuser uses his or her power against the victim.

"Red flags" for abuse include: a person experiences fear with their partner, feels unsafe at home, or is physically injured; a partner is consistently controlling a person's actions, speech, and/or relationships. (See Unit 2)

Not all nastiness is abusive. Remember that people in intimate relationships almost inevitably have moments when they are hurtful to each other. If every such incident is considered indicative of an abusive relationship, the concept becomes meaningless, and the implications for response unclear.

Some behaviors that seem wrong to you are acceptable to others. Social workers see people from diverse backgrounds with diverse assumptions about behavior in intimate relationships, particularly between men and women. It is important to take the time to assess the perceived intention of the behavior, what effect it had/has in the recipient, and the risk of physical danger.