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So what's Milo been doing? Pfft...just boring stuff like starting a new semester, successfully facing my worst phobia, and noticing changes on T.

This semester seems like it's going to be a good one. At least, my optimism for it has yet to be conquered. It will also likely keep me pretty busy. (Likely inhibiting me to only a book a week. Oh noes!) Aside from a full course load--in which the courses look promising--I'm still retaining my fellowship while adding on an RA-ship being shared between two professors. One of my first tasks on the last? Going through nearly 800 pages' worth of documented child sexual assault cases. Ouch. On more than one level. I've already told Jeremy I may be frequenting hugs from him for the next week. Not that I'm complaining; aside from the difficulty, I'm actually excited to be a part of this project. Every little bit helps.

So aside from Fenway both going three-for-three and hitting a new low (they not only changed who I was going to see without my consent or notification, but they even changed the time of the appointment), I successfully gave myself a shot, executing it near perfection. This is going to sound dramatic, but I've realized that it was a hugely definitive point of my existence; my life has been divided between that which was before giving myself a shot, and that which is after. I truly, honestly, seem to be seeing the world through new eyes now. I conquered something massive. And I'm so proud of it that I'm willing to tell anybody who will stay still long enough to hear me. I'm even pretentious enough to feel a little bad for those who don't seem to understand or shoo it away like it's no big deal; it means they've obviously never been. They can't associate themselves with such a consuming dilemma and, as such, can't comprehend the inexplicable feeling of winning out through pure will. I was originally going to say that such people can't associate because they're too privileged to have (and to have to face) such issues, but then I stopped to wonder: Should I be calling that a privilege? I don't know about you, but comparing the two of us right now, I feel like the clear winner.

If I master it one more time, I'll be going independent. I have to report back to Fenway the next time around for a check-up and more bloods, anyway, so whatever. Soon I won't have to see them nearly as much and once I'm on a stable T dose, I'm getting the hell out of there permanently. In the meantime, I'll just concentrate on the excitement of likely getting an upped dose by early February. Funny thing is, I'm pretty sure I'm going to nearly faint again from the bloods being taken. Oh Milo...

Three people have told me my voice sounds deeper. One from comparing my voice clips, two from hearing me talk after not seeing me over break. I. Am. Stoked. I'm beginning to notice some other undeniable changes as well, though they're too personal for me to want to share here. But if you ask me in person, I'll probably tell you.

I've also noticed a new quirk, though I don't know if I should go as far as blaming the T. (But I will.) Since my last post, I have acquired an inexplicable obsession with clementines. Not oranges, not tangerines, not nectarines. Clementines. If I have one, I'm happy; if I don't, I'm less happy. I try to keep a constant supply of them at home so as not to procure a very distracting disappointment. If I want a clementine and am unable to get one, I tend to have concentration issues because then I'm too busy thinking about that damn, elusive clementine. Yeah...I don't understand it either.

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